Remnants

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Another picture from our recent photo shoot

 

Remnants: A small remaining quantity of something.

Some of you know Geoff and I dated long distance for almost 4 years before getting married. For a short 6 months in there we were in the same state, but the majority of our relationship was built over the phone and through week long visits every 3 months. It was hard, really hard. I cried a lot. I realized I was depressed. We learned so much about each other, because all we could do was talk. We read the whole Series of Unfortunate Events together over the phone. Until January 10, 2010, when I finally flew from Boston to Seattle with him, rather than leaving him behind.

It’s funny, but you don’t think something like that would impact you, but it does. I still don’t like airports. I still cry every time I drop someone off at the airport, and I get really anxious when I’m flying. My anxiety is airport-based, not because of the flying. It’s funny, but I don’t mind flying much at all.

Recently Geoff and I had one of those weeks where we weren’t together one night. Monday through Friday, Geoff was out every single night, and the one night he was in, I wasn’t. By the time Friday rolled around I missed him, even though we were going to bed together every night, and waking up together. So we went out to eat on Saturday night, and relaxed and worked in the yard together on Sunday. Come Monday, we both headed back to work, and I suddenly found myself missing him.

Sitting on the couch, between work shifts, feeling lonely, I finally put my finger on the problem. It’s another remnant of our long distance relationship. Of all the visits it was the ones where Geoff visited me that were the most difficult. I’d bring him to the airport, typically early in the morning, and would return home to an empty house. My parents are work, my sister at school or, later, college. Empty. I’d wander the rooms, remembering the things we did. Here’s the air mattress he slept on. Here’s where we read a few chapters of our latest book. Here we cuddled on the couch while watching a movie. I’d wander through my own house, crying and remembering. I’d often find myself in my sister or parent’s room, a room we didn’t visit together.

After a week or so, it would go away, and we’d settle into the routine we were used to. But on this particular Monday, as I sat on my own couch, I finally realized why I was sad. The remnants of saying goodbye are still too fresh, and sitting alone in my own house made my heart ache for the weekend we spent together. I missed my husband, despite the fact that he was now 20 minutes away, rather than 3,000 miles.

Tuesdays are better, and Wednesdays, and then it’s Saturday, and we’re together again. It’s much better than waiting 3 months. Maybe it’ll be better the longer we’re married, but for now I hold on tightly to the fact that he’ll be coming home to me at night, because for all the hours of loneliness I experience on Mondays, it’s a far cry from the months I used to muddle through.

And in the end I think it makes me appreciate him and what we have all the more.

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About Megg

I'm a 28 year old, newly married, newly living in Washington, librarian trying to find a job in a library. Meanwhile I'm working with kids and spend my afternoons playing Mancala and reading picture books. Come along for the journey as I share recipes, decoration ideas, photos, and hopefully gain some insight from the internet and fellow bloggers.

8 responses »

  1. I know how you feel, it’s a saddening empty feeling as if something of great importance is missing. It is something that does not get better but we adapt to handle it. Keep being so remarkable and strong, you will survive! Geoff is lucky to have you 🙂

  2. I related to this post so much! Having recently moved to Alabama after a little over a year of long distance dating, Alex and I are finally in the same zipcode and we’re loving it. But my mom visited here in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago, and when I drove to the airport to pick her up, and then later in the week to drop her off, I felt so much anxiety and I couldn’t put my finger on what it was…I realize now that it was because of the 10 or so departures I made over the course of that year from the same airport, away from Alex, back to Boston. It was almost like a part of my subconscious was anxious about getting so close to the place where I used to “go away”. Its amazing how, as you said, things can affect you.

    • I’m sorry you felt that way! It is crazy how the feelings really do linger. I’m glad that you are finally together now too, though 🙂

  3. HI I found your blog from Kelly’s Korner. I live in Bellingham, WA, so we are kinda close. Anyway I can totally realte to missing my husband on Mondays. In fact today I am missing him something feirce. No one else that I have talked to understands that. “I mean you see him everynight right?” There is just something about spending the weekend with him, that makes me want to spend more time with him. It’s like he is my drug and I can’t get enough. Haha don’t get me wrong he gets on my nerves, and when we are together we don’t have any great outings or anything. I just miss him come Monday when we are not together. Thanks for speaking to my heart.

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