My ridiculous mind

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Sometimes my anxiety is so ridiculous it almost makes me laugh. Or it would, if it wasn’t making me so anxious. The thing about anxiety is that little things can be blown out of proportion so quickly. For example, here’s my train of thought in regards to one of my most recent stresses:

I don’t want to sell our house, I love it! But it isn’t big enough for TWO kids. How are we going to save the money for the 20% down payment we want to make on a house bigger (and more expensive) than ours? Well, if we sell this one first and make a profit, we can use that as a down payment. But how can we sell a house AND buy one at the same time? Maybe we can live in an apartment and pay month to month until we buy another house. I don’t want to sell this house, I love it, but if we rent it we won’t have the money for a down payment!

Have I mentioned that we don’t have any kids? And that selling our house is a good 5 years away, most likely? Yeah. That’s anxiety.

It’s frustrating to me that I can lie awake at night stressing about something that’s years in the future. Sadly, it’s not just things in the far future that stress me, however. This fall is approaching way too quickly for my liking, and there are several things happening that are causing me unnecessary stress. I feel my chest tightening when I think about some of the changes in my near future. I panic over the idea that we’re traveling for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, despite the fact that I’m excited about both.

Usually I try to look at the worst case scenario when I have anxiety but I’ve been having a hard time with it lately. There are just so many unknowns. The hardest part of all is that Geoff doesn’t understand. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he’s very supportive, but he doesn’t understand why I get a panic attack just thinking about traveling in November. A trip we planned in January, with tickets we’ve already bought. See? Ridiculous. I know that, now will someone tell my mind how ridiculous it’s being?

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About Megg

I'm a 28 year old, newly married, newly living in Washington, librarian trying to find a job in a library. Meanwhile I'm working with kids and spend my afternoons playing Mancala and reading picture books. Come along for the journey as I share recipes, decoration ideas, photos, and hopefully gain some insight from the internet and fellow bloggers.

6 responses »

  1. This rings a total bell for me. I get it.
    The other day I was worrying because our building charged us $100 for a “garage pass back” that we didn’t do. They told us if it happened again, they’d revoke our parking privileges. Then where would we park? Would we have to chance street parking all the time? Would we have to find a garage nearby? Would we be able to find a garage nearby? Do our friends still have a dual parking spot even though they sold one of their cars? Would we have to move? Where would we move? Could we move mid-lease? Would I have to have a longer commute? What would we do with our plants if we had to move into a place without a balcony? Would our new place be cheaper and so would I be able to cut back at work?
    (etc.)

    • I’m so glad someone understands! Isn’t it crazy how easily it can get out of control? (I hope you were able to sort out the garage issue…)

      • They took off the charge for now, and I’m just hoping it doesn’t happen again. I strongly dislike getting dinged for something that I didn’t do. If I’d done it, fine, I’ll take the consequences. But I didn’t!
        🙂

  2. I totally understand! I get the same way but it’s usually when we’re getting close to something happening, not years ahead. For that, I have Ronnie. He’s currently obsessing/freaking out over his internship that’s still 2 years away, possibly selling our house which is still years away… so yeah I’m around it so I get it 😉 At least you have a supportive hubby. I just hope he doesn’t tell you to chill the eff out like some meanie.. like me. haha

  3. You know I can get the same way. Uncertain aspects of the future are what really get to me. How will I do this? Can I do this? What about money? What if I can’t get pregnant? What if I can’t sell my house? What about my job? Do I really want to be a SAHM? Do I really want to home school? Why is private school so expensive anyway? And on and on and on…

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