Sometimes my anxiety is so ridiculous it almost makes me laugh. Or it would, if it wasn’t making me so anxious. The thing about anxiety is that little things can be blown out of proportion so quickly. For example, here’s my train of thought in regards to one of my most recent stresses:
I don’t want to sell our house, I love it! But it isn’t big enough for TWO kids. How are we going to save the money for the 20% down payment we want to make on a house bigger (and more expensive) than ours? Well, if we sell this one first and make a profit, we can use that as a down payment. But how can we sell a house AND buy one at the same time? Maybe we can live in an apartment and pay month to month until we buy another house. I don’t want to sell this house, I love it, but if we rent it we won’t have the money for a down payment!
Have I mentioned that we don’t have any kids? And that selling our house is a good 5 years away, most likely? Yeah. That’s anxiety.
It’s frustrating to me that I can lie awake at night stressing about something that’s years in the future. Sadly, it’s not just things in the far future that stress me, however. This fall is approaching way too quickly for my liking, and there are several things happening that are causing me unnecessary stress. I feel my chest tightening when I think about some of the changes in my near future. I panic over the idea that we’re traveling for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, despite the fact that I’m excited about both.
Usually I try to look at the worst case scenario when I have anxiety but I’ve been having a hard time with it lately. There are just so many unknowns. The hardest part of all is that Geoff doesn’t understand. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he’s very supportive, but he doesn’t understand why I get a panic attack just thinking about traveling in November. A trip we planned in January, with tickets we’ve already bought. See? Ridiculous. I know that, now will someone tell my mind how ridiculous it’s being?